Conjunctivitis

Poor Joel has conjunctivitis. He can hardly see, but it is getting better, poor little guy. His eyes have swollen up so much. I wouldn't normally go to the doctor for something like conjunctivitis, but I did take him because it was so bad and it came on so quickly. Literally within a day he had gone from clear eyes to caked full of puss. He is on Amoxcillan and Chlorsig which is helping. He hates having his eyes cleaned out though, he will only let Rich do it. We're waiting to hear back about the kindy, I'm so hopeful that he gets in. He begs to stay at Annalise's school every morning and loves to play there for ages after school. I've for lots of things planned for them over the school holidays to try to keep him amused, he's in that stage of asking a million questions about everything! He is sleeping better at night now, finally. He only wakes up once, if at all, each night. It's good for me because I'm up with Imogen at about 2am, then Joel was waking up at 11pm and 4am. We have moved house while we build a new house and he has settled in to his new bedroom well. He is still the sweetest little boy, always cuddling and kissing imogen so I'm hoping she doesn't get conjunctivitis too.

Kindy at the Guide Dog Association

I have been thinking about joining a playgroup for kids with vision impairment. I called up the Guide Dog Association after they came up in a google search. When I spoke tot he Receptionist, she said they didn't have a playgroup or know of one, BUT they do have a 3 year old kindy program. To say I was excited is an understatement! Joel is so ready for school, every day when we drop Annalise off he wants to stay, he even packs his bag every morning just like her and keeps saying "my school, mummy?" I was going to put him in the 3 year old kindy that was recommended to me by another mum but this program at the Guide Dog Association would be perfect for him. He will be 3 in January so I've filled out the forms and we're just waiting to hear back if he's been accepted. They also do a different program to help visually impaired kids, I guess it's kind of like vision therapy. I've filled out the forms for them to get all of his information from his surgeon so hopefully they can help him with that too. He hasn't worn his prosthetic in a while. He really objects to having it put in, like REALLY. He just never seemed to get used to having it done and most days, would go and lay on the floor for ages after having it put in. I had to restrain him and hold him down on the ground. I just felt like I am the one who is supposed to nurture him and love and protect him, and here I am every day, forcing him to have the eye put in. I really hope that he asks for it when he's ready, we've been talking about it and I've told him it's there and if he wants to wear it, he can. I always said that if it didn't work out with the eye, that's ok. He's still 99% oblivious to the fact he's different, sometimes he does look in the mirror and point to his eye and say "broken". A year ago, the thought of that would have sent me into floods of tears but now, it's just like :yeah, baby, it's broken but you're ok!" There was a disco at Annalise's school the other day and all the kids stood in a circle and stared at him. I felt so bad for him. It is so hard to see them all staring. Then they went up to their mums and were saying "that kid has a weird eye" and things like that. I wish their mums would ask what was "wrong" with it or something, instead of just saying "oh ok, go play". We have moved and the new school only has about 150 kids so everyone will know him eventually and it would be good for them to actually know what's gone on with him and why his eye looks like that.

Looking at photos

I've just put up some new photos and it got me thinking. I remember when I first found out Joel had PHPV. I googled it, of course, and came up with all these photos of kids with one small eye, one fake eye, one bad eye, one blind eye. It was horrifying. All of these photos looked so abnormal to me, even the good ones. I couldn't imagine having a child who looked like that. What would people think? What would people say? Will my baby look like those kids? Maybe he will be different, maybe no one will be able to tell. Maybe we'll be lucky. The parents had posted these pictures with comments like "just like every other two year old!" or "Little Jonny playing in the yard". I thought, how could they think that their child is really just like every other kid? They're kidding themselves. OBVIOUSLY they're different, they must just be saying that to make themselves feel better. Well you know what? Joel IS like every other kid. He climbs, plays, rides a bike and causes chaos and destruction a hundred times a day. He has an adventurous streak and no fear. He is sweet and loving and affectionate and holds a grudge if he gets in trouble. His eye does not hold him back at all. Not in any way. If you're looking at these pictures of Joel for the first time, the good and the bad pictures, I know how you feel. I know how your heart breaks thinking your child is going to be different and how unfair it is and how you wonder how you'll get through it. The uncertainty is infuriating. It's frustrating and depressing not knowing how your child is going to turn out. Not knowing if they'll be able to see eventually, how many operations they'll have, if they'll end up with a prosthetic eye or glasses or a contact lens. One thing I can say with 100% certainty is that in 2 years time, your child WILL be just like every other child. Nothing will hold them back. Nothing. Sure they might bump in to the odd wall or miss a step, but what kid doesn't. There will be people who will notice there is something different but most of the time, they won't say anything. You will just know that they've noticed. You'll pick it up after a while. and that's fine, it doesn't matter. Let them notice. Let them wonder. If they ask, just tell the truth. After a while of telling it, you won't cry anymore. It won't bother you. You'll realise that yeah, PHPV does suck and it's not fair that it happened to you and your baby, but it won't be all consuming. It won't be the first thing you think about when you wake up and the last thing on your mind at night. You won't think about it during the day and well up. It will just "be" and that's fine. You will be fine. Your baby will be fine. You'll surprise yourself and your child will surprise you, it really will be ok.

Joel is now 2!

I can't believe how fast time flies with three kids! Joel has turned two, Imogen is 8 months old and Annalise will be 5 very soon. We are all doing very well, albeit very busy! His eye started to irritate him about a month ago so we went back in to see the Geelen's and they have bulked up his prosthetic with acrylic and it now fits a lot better. He still absolutely hates having it put in every day, although it is getting easier to take out at night time. It's probably a relief to have it out, like when you get home and take your shoes off and have that "Aaaaaah!" feeling. The only thing I have really noticed that he has great trouble with is going down steps. If he is holding my hand he will just fly down, his feet don't even touch the steps. If he's going down on his own, he will use both hands to hold railings and go don sideways. He does do other small things that only I notice because I know he can't see out of that left eye, like looking at the iPhone at a funny angle. Nothing major, he's really just like every other two year old boy!